Full disclosure.

 

work in progress :)

This hobby is quickly becoming my self-care go-to, once again. Above is a quick snap of what is on my craft desk at the moment. A bit challenging, but we will see how it turns out. :)

We were able to get out and do a bit of finding last weekend. We have found over 30 boxes since I decided to get back in the game - amazing! 

It has become quite clear that I am not quite as good as I used to be (or at least thought I was!) at interpreting clues; Rule #1: one must start at the right place, or else you are left making the environment fit the clues. I can tell you with all confidence, this is not the best way to box, and can lead to much frustration. With every additional boxer in your group, the harder it is. I completely understand why some boxers prefer to box alone.

Honestly, coming back into the hobby has been a bit humbling and has revealed a lot of baggage that I am slowly working through. With each press of the gouge, I am clearing the cluttered memories of when I stepped out. The engrained carving motions are intertwined with the thoughts and memories of people, events, joy, and pain. Coming back in has become a journey of healing and self-care. 

Full disclosure: I don't carve as well as I used to - I don't have the same setup I had before, and I am older, too. No excuses, but my eyes and dexterity are just not what they used to be. Moreover, I am not mindful enough with the clues when I am out on the trail. Careful reading is a skill, especially if they are cryptic and more than one of us is trying to interpret them. And, after my high of coming back in, I am stumbling with the realization that the community I left has changed somewhat, as it has evolved over the years. Not bad, just different. But, I want to fit in, I want to be a part of things. Ultimately, I must check my expectations, because they cause suffering. I am working with all these challenges, determined to experience the joy this hobby has to offer.

The truth is: I love this hobby. I am thrilled with each find, and always grateful for the efforts of the planter. I am excited to experience new places. I am eager to address my limitations, and grow in ways I can't imagine right now. And I intend to bring joy and positivity to others with my efforts and interaction.

Further, I am throwing my lot into using the Firm Kut carving material from Webfoot - no more lament about what we cannot have. I think it best fits my carving style, since I have the old Staedtler carving gouges - and I am just going to learn how to use and love it just as much as I did PZ. I will need to get my gouges sharpened at some point, I suppose (sure glad I kept those!). I am hopeful that some new options will present themselves as things progress, and I am looking forward to better times and choices that, I am confident, are right around the next corner.

I often say I don't like to go backwards, but frequently spend too much time focusing on the past. Self-care for me is hopeful looking towards the future while fully living this moment.