W is for ...

 

Winter.

Gray. Wet. Chilly. That about sums it up.

But it is not snowy here, and for that, I am grateful. It does put a damper (no pun intended) on getting out on the trail to beat the bushes for boxes; perhaps I am just too old and whiney to brave the cold wet like I used to. I prefer staying inside, cooking comforting soup, enjoying the fireplace, and reading a book. And no, I have not carved anything for quite a while. Hopefully, after last week's events, that will be rectified!

Work.

I am now working 30 hours a week as a mental health therapist. But the good news is that I love my job! And I love the people I work with. I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity. No, it is not all glitter and unicorns, but I think I am where I am supposed to be. And that, my friends, is a good feeling. It's been a long time coming.

Withdrawal.

Since I am now working, I felt I needed to acquire a bit more knowledge (read: confidence) in individual counseling to provide the best care for my clients. Toward that effort, I enrolled in an 18-credit university program that would have earned me a certificate in professional counseling (it would have taken me a year and a quarter to complete). All sounds great, right? I was more than willing to put in the work and give up fun stuff to make that a reality. Unfortunately, the workload was unexpectedly overwhelming and coincided with my client load filling up at work, so I had no time during my workday to catch up on reading for class. 

Further, it was different from other programs I have been in: It involved considerable research, writing, and discussion board posting multiple times per week (9 postings, to be exact, in addition to 3 papers due throughout the term). Moreover, each class was eight weeks, with the next course starting immediately after that, with no break week between - that's insane! I was in the program for 4 weeks and had no time for anything other than schoolwork. It was restful to go to work! 

The realization started slowly - "gosh, maybe I could just take the courses I need, not the entire certificate ..." Then it was, "how am I gonna make this work?" Eventually, it became, "I am drowning - I gotta get outta this."  So, I made the hard decision to withdraw. Quitting is not something I do regularly, so it hit me hard. I have convinced myself that I am not a failure, but it was clearly not the right fit. 

Mistakes happen, to be sure, and making this kind of mistake was a bit pricey, but at least I have my sanity. There are other ways to gain knowledge and confidence than putting myself (and my family) through a meat grinder. I have already made moves to find another, more suitable alternative. *fingers crossed*

Wellness

The overwhelming burden was lifted immediately. It took me a couple of days to unwind and actually relax enough to sleep. And the muscle ache in my neck and shoulders is gradually improving. The first thing I wanted to do was head out for an impromptu road trip with my beloved - it was glorious. 

I am almost back to my old self - Samsonite and I planned another quickie trip to Port Townsend in a couple of weeks just for fun. I was very worried about our upcoming trip to the south in a couple of months; getting schoolwork done during our visit would have been nearly impossible. Now I can spend quality time with loved ones while we are there rather than holed up in the hotel room writing about things that will never matter after they are graded. 

I have heard it said that when you say 'yes' to one thing, you say 'no' to another. It is mostly true, as I have usually made things work by stretching and juggling. But, this has been a hard lesson to learn: I cannot do everything, nor can I make everything I dream work, no matter how much I desire. In this case, a little fallback and strategizing were in order.